Sunday, February 27, 2011

One Single Suggestion: what to do when the online dating game has one weak player

One reader wonders what to do when the volleyball game that is online dating messaging gets stale due to one player's soft spikes and weak serves. (Okay, perhaps the metaphor is not so great.) OSS [hopefully] answers in this week's installment of One Single Suggestion.

Q. I’ve got an online dating question for you. I saw a guy's profile, sent him a wink/flirt/nudge type thing, got a quick line back which I took as a good sign because if he wasn't interested, he'd ignore me outright. So even though his quick response didn't include questions about myself, I wrote back and asked a question or two to get the conversation going. We've now been going back and forth in this same way for about a week...he's still not asking about me, but he's keeping the ball rolling by replying and is always complimentary about something, so it's not a lost cause -- some guys aren't good at email, right?

I don't want to be the one who makes all the effort here. Any clues or hints I should drop to get him to just ask me to meet up? Or, do I just drop it since he's maybe he's just not that into me given the nature of his notes? What is my next step here?

- Tired of Email Vollying

A. Sure, some guys aren’t good at emailing. Some girls aren’t either. And yes, it’s clear that he’s interested in you or--you’re right--he wouldn’t keep contacting you. Unless he’s seriously bored. And who can be that bored with reruns of Full House still on the air?! But, Tired, compliments and interest do not a fair and balanced relationship make. If he can’t rev up the effort to ask you about yourself now in the courting stages, nor actually ask you out, will he be engaged and proactive later on? Will he hold open the door on the first date? Will he ask you how work is going on the 2nd? Is he the type to suggest meeting each other’s families down the line? Will he ask you how you like your pudding and oatmeal when you’re old and feeble and living in a senior center in Boca Raton together? No, probably not. So, you can take your chances and suggest a first date. Or you can hold off on a guy who’s interest in you is equal to your interest in him. And will treat you like the cat’s meow that you are today, tomorrow, and in 50 years when he’s still excitedly asking you out to early bird dinners and Scrabble dates.


Have a dating doozy of your own? Email your dating queries, woes and what-should-I-dos?! to

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