Stop stalking me, Andy.

Sometimes you receive a message from an online suitor and you get the feeling that he's written it once or twice before. As in, there is nothing personal about his message at all. Like, he says he loves what's in your profile. But he doesn't specify what. Or he says you're funny. When you know there was nothing even remotely humorous in your profile. This guy's your typical cut and paste robot--no rhyme, no reason. Just a see-boobies, email boobies, cut, paste, send, kind of guy.

And then sometimes you get the same cookie cutter message from the same guy...three times...in one month! As in, he is such an online predator that he can not even distinguish you...from you. He's so busy cutting and pasting, dropping and clicking, that he can't be bothered to track the girls he's already once harassed.

And to this predator, I reply...

Andy. This is the 3rd time you've written me in even fewer months. And each message has been some version, if not an exact replica, of the message prior. Either you've got a terrible memory or you're spamming me. It is bad enough that the world is full of enough bozos that I've been driven to advertise myself online. And now you, Andy--you've tried to buy me three times without even checking out the merchandise. If you've put down an offer on me, you've clearly put offers down all over the place--at every 99 cent Ebay shop for girls there is. And Andy, let me tell you--I'm not of the 99 cent variety.  So, Andy, kindly cease & desist. Because if I should get one more email from you, Andy, the comeuppence you may get from Match.com will hold no candle to the wrath you'll face form me. You have on your hands, Andy, One Angry Single Girl. And there ain't no anger angrier than that of a girl who's put herself out there with some degree of authenticity and humility--and gotten cut, pasted, and enraged in reply.

Thanks for understanding. And, Andy, watch your back.